we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
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Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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