No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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