oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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