I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You are a genius and a whore.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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