Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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