walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize