i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize