Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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