he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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