just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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