Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize