I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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