So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
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the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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