I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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