if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
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i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
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I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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