this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
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I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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