i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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