I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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