When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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