The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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