a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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