i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
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Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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