then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I supernannyed him into submission
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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