Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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