I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
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Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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