At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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