there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize