she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
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So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
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Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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