Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
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I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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