So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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