So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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