it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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