Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
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I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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