I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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