i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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