you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
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Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
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Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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