Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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