She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
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You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
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THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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