there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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