It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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