I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize