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is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
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