watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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