i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize