Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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