I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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