He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize