So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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