i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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