the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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